Time they made hetero sexuality legal, grumbled Eric Morecambe impersonator Philip Larkin, complaining about the legalisation of homosexuality.  “But they have made it legal,” said one of the wedlock junkies he was embroiled with. “It’s called marriage.” A bit too legal, he grumbled. He was afraid to die so spent about fifty years avoiding life.

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Miss Makeover: PHILIP LARKIN, BALD GIT SURROUNDED BY WEDLOCK JUNKIES